Day 15: Content to Wait

Today was the first day that the wait until Jacob is officially our son began to feel long. We wear the same clothes; and Jacob wears the same clothes, and we visit for one hour in the same room with the same toys, day after day. Don't get me wrong, we are thankful for our visits with him and for the tiny changes we see in him each time we are with him, but we just want to have him home. For just a second today, he hugged me tight after we had been gone for two days. We were all happy to see each other. Then my closeness is too much for him and he wiggles to be put down and scoots away.

I can only imagine how challenging the transition will be for Jacob. Everything about us is different than he is used to. Even our love for him is alarming to him at times. We are anxious to have him home.

Usually he is all about mama, but today he got a lot of Daddy time. Brad was the one with the snack today and the cool zip front sweater that was irresistible to Jacob, and the bottle of bubbles. What kid doesn't like bubbles?!

Nothing holds his attention very long, but each time we visit he is more and more interested in us and what we are doing. He is learning to trust us and realizing that we offer love and security...and snacks. :)

Each day we are able to visit we bring the same three toys in the same bag. A stuffed puppy, a photo album of our family, and a dinosaur coloring book. Jacob is especially attached to the coloring book. He uses his hands to scoot around so he holds his book in his teeth. That is one smart boy! Way to problem solve Jacob! We also keep a bottle of water and a snack in the bag for him. We are pretty certain he said "water" today in Russian. :) He is now diving into the bag when we set it down. When we first met him he showed no curiosity for us or anything around him. We are now beginning to see him take timid little peaks around the room to see what we brought.

Like any little boy, he is curious about how things work. He was very intrigued with the zipper on Brad's sweater...enough to crawl on top of Brad to try it for himself.

He almost completely unlaced my boots when he realized the laces could be untied.

It will be wonderful to have him outside of the tiny visitor's room where he can explore and learn to his hearts content.

Day 13 and 14: Catching Up

On the weekends we are not allowed to visit with Jacob. :( We have asked multiple times and each time the answer is the same...No. One time they told us we couldn't because the doors were locked. We think something must have been lost in translation with that one.

On the weekends we try to catch up...catch up on sleep, on eating real meals, exploring the city, etc...

Yesterday, we mostly caught up on sleep. The stress of a different culture and language and visiting Jacob really wears us out. We both slept over 10 hours yesterday.

Today, we set out to have an adventure. Brad is an adventure junkie and I am a willing side kick. He found a Chinese restaurant online that he thought we should try for lunch. I ate a small snack before we set out because I wasn't convinced this was going to end with either us actually finding the restaurant or us being able to order anything that we would find edible.

The restaurant was actually really easy to find. It was about a 10-15 minute walk from our apartment. We race walked all the way there since it is only 19 degrees outside right now and even with the 4 layers of clothing we had on under our coats, it was still REALLY cold! The building was bright red in a sea of grey buildings, so that made it hard to miss.

Once inside, it looked promising. We sat on the red loveseats that they used instead of chairs and the waiter handed us a menu. There were thankfully small pictures, but absolutely no English. I found the word for "chicken" in the translation app on Brad's Iphone and we started scanning the menu for the first three Cyrillic letters in the world "chicken". I figured I would just point to what ever I found that was chicken and I would be mostly safe.

The waitress arrived and actually spoke about 5 words of English. We pointed to the chicken we had found and also at something that looked like spareribs. We ordered rice and tea also since these words are almost the same in Russian. When the food came it was actually sweet and sour chicken with peanuts and friend rice.

Besides being a little oily, it was wonderful. The spareribs were okay, but tasted very Ukrainian and not at all like Chinese food. Not terrible, but I wouldn't get them again. The odd thing to us was they brought us a plate of bread to go with our food. I guess it really is true that no Ukrainian meal is complete without bread, even if it is a Chinese meal.

We race walked back to our apartment with a quick detour into our favorite grocery store to buy chocolate and a cherry jellyroll (tastes a little like a rolled up pancake with sweet cherry jam) and then back home. It might take the rest of the day to thaw ourselves out from the cold, but it was worth it in the end.

Day 12: Our 7th day with Jacob

What a difference a week makes. We met this boy 7 visits ago.

This is Jacob eating a snack today.

Day 11: The way to Jacob's heart

What warms Jacob's heart like nothing else...Teddygrahams.

Who would have thought I would be so thankful that the pack of teddygrahams that I impulsively bought at the airport on the way here would come in so handy. Jacob is tiny in stature but does not appear to be malnourished so we have not been giving him many snacks. We are the first family to ever adopt a child from his institution so we are being very careful not to rock the boat. We didn't want to stuff him with snacks so that we wouldn't eat his lunch, but have realized that these little bears get his attention like nothing else.

I have been feeding him a few at a time and hold them right up to my face so that he will look into my eyes. When he does we cheer for him and hand him the cookie. He caught on immediately. :)

Day 10: Letting us love him

Each day on the 35 minute drive to the institution I am able to pray and listen to praise music on my Ipod. I have started to look forward to this brief moment of peace before our day begins.

We are driving through the most beautiful countryside. It is not lush and vibrant, but it is a quiet sort of beautiful. Vast open snow covered fields as far as the eye can see with rows of Swedish aspens lining either side of the road. All at once it will surprise you with a flock or bright yellow meadow larks or green pheasants. Breathtaking.

Jacob is kind of like this landscape. Beautiful with lots of hidden surprises. It is heartbreaking that no one has noticed what treasures this child holds. He is not talked to or delighted in. Until now.

When I first began the process of adoption, especially international adoption of an institutionalized child with special needs, I could not fully grasp what it meant to be "rescuing a child." I heard others talk about international special needs adoption and use language like that when describing their experiences, but I didn't understand. Now I do.

No one talks to my beautiful boy. The injustice of it brings tears to our eyes and sets our jaws in anger. He is very well cared for physically, but no one loves him. Just the simple lack of love has taken a lively active child and made him afraid to open his eyes and look at anyone. He stopped talking and walking. He just gave up.

Today was a flock of yellow meadow larks and green pheasants kind of day with Jacob. He was calmer and leaned into us when he held him. He uttered an annoyed "Mama!" when I wouldn't get out of his way. This is a far cry form the drooling unresponsive child they brought to us the first day. We hugged him and kissed him and held him and told him that we love him and that God loves him. It might be the first time he has ever heard those words. As the nanny rushed in abruptly and scooped him out of my arms saying "Times up!" Brad rushed forward with his phone and played the Russian recording we made. "I will see you tomorrow." Jacob looked at us over his nanny's shoulder and waved.

Love is truly rescuing Jacob and transforming him into a different boy.

Day 9: I'm Your Mama

I'm writing the post tonight. Sara is tired and I have a lot to say! The Lord answered our prayers today. It was the first day that we were allowed to spend the entire visit with Jacob without having a chaperone. We have been struggling under the constant supervision, and had begun praying that God would allow us time alone with out son.

This morning, we were ushered into our room, but on the way in we were given a surprise as two of Jacob's caregivers came with Jacob between them walking to meet us. He was doing so well. Not sure if Sara has shared this with you all or not, but Jacob walks completely up on his toes. He will more than likely need AFO's to help him flatten and stretch his feet before he can walk on his own without help.

The second surprise came when they gave him to us, smiled, and all left and closed the door behind them. For the first 15-20 minutes we cringed every time someone came near the door. We were so afraid that our chaperone would come to join us! We took the time to be quiet with Jacob and introduce ourselves to him as his Daddy and Mama. He seemed very interested in this. You may recall that the nannies here have told us that he doesn't speak (just babbles sometimes). Other families who knew Jacob while he was still in the baby house have told us that he did talk, and even called other children by name. Well, not 5 minutes after introducing ourselves, Jacob was playing on the floor, misplaced Sara, and turned and looked and yelled, 'Mama! Mama!' It was as clear as day. Sara went to him and he wanted her to pick him up and hold him! Our little boy is working so hard to come back out of the shell he has gone into.

This is seconds after Jacob called for Mama.


We played with him, and allowed him to explore and get to know us. . . We showed him pictures of his new family and told him who they were. . . We told him that we loved him. . . And we sang to him.

He is still exhibiting a lot of self-soothing behaviors, and is very easily overstimulated. But, our presence seems to be nice to him, and he made a lot more eye contact with us today.

Finally, it was time to go, and we tried to get the one nanny who speaks a little English to tell him that we would be back tomorrow. But, she doesn't think he understands her, so she got embarrassed and wouldn't do it. She couldn't fathom that a child with physical disabilities could comprehend anything, so his basic needs are taken care of but he is never spoken to as a person. We will learn how to say this in Russian tonight, so we can tell him ourselves tomorrow.

The door to the clerk of the court.

We spent a lot of time on this bench outside the clerks door while our facilitator worked her magic inside.



Oh, and we petitioned the court today for an adoption hearing. We should be assigned a judge tomorrow, and then are just waiting for the process in the capital city to be completed so that they can then mail everything to where we are and we can go to court. We are struggling with the unknowns of everything (especially not knowing when I can purchase a ticket to go back home and be with our other kids), but God reminded us this afternoon that man makes his plans, but God directs our paths. We are trusting in the Lord to direct our paths. Please keep praying for Jacob and us. Thanks. -Brad

Day 8: A New Day and a New Name

We skipped blogging yesterday since it was Sunday and we really needed to take a Sabbath. Everyone says that this process is overwhelming, but it is something that just can not be put into words. We took the day to lay around, sleep late, take naps and listen to a sermon online. We were blessed with an unexpected visit from friends, who are also adopting. We were able to share a nice breakfast with them. Brad went to buy eggs after walking to pick them up from their bus stop and we all laughed that Brad practically had to cluck like a chicken to communicate he wanted to buy eggs. :)

Today was our first visit back to the institution after a 2 day break for the weekend. After our visit, we got a phone call from Sasha, who I have started to call our fearless facilitator :) saying that she needs to know our son's new name for the paperwork that she is filing. This had been a real struggle for us for some reason. We had one name all picked out but it just didn't suit him when we tried to call him that. Last night we finally came to a tentative decision that we felt confident about today when we got the call. We took a picture of the text we sent to Sasha with his new name. :)

Jacob Aaron Wall

It feels right...it feels like our son.

Jacob in the Bible was born a fighter and struggled to find his way, but ended his life a hard worker and a triumphant follower of God. Aaron was my great-grandfather's name but it also means "mountain of strength" and our sweet boy is indeed a mountain of strength to endure all that he has in his young life and still retain that delightful belly laugh of his. We managed to get a few pictures of him with his eyes open today. I think he keeps them mostly closed to keep the world out.

Institutional life has robbed him of all the skills he had from when he was in the baby house...the ability to talk, to play, to make eye contact, to be calm, to feel safe, to pull up and walk.

We were overwhelming to our sweet Jacob today. The touch and eye contact were too much. He would enjoy it for a few seconds and then it was too much and he would rock violently on his hands and knees or flail on his back. All institutional behaviors that we were told to expect, but it is shocking to see and experience in person.

The difficulty is compounded by our ever present chaperone. He name is Ludmila and she is very sweet and speaks a little (very little) English. We are in a room that is about 6' x 7' with a small couch, 2 arm chairs, and 2 end tables, a small play pen and a small coat closet. We are crammed in tiny room with a scared and overwhelmed child. It is difficult for Brad and I, I can't imagine what it must be like for Jacob. Our poor baby.

The institution itself seems like a good one, but we are still very tightly controlled. We are not allowed to see into any of the rooms with the kids and when a group of older boys (about 8-12 yrs old) walked by our door to go outside and play, the nanny noticed me looking and closed the door. The nannies seem to really care about the children, but they also don't have any expectations for them either.

Some mom's who knew Jacob in the baby house have been very encouraging to us by recounting what he was like before he went into the institution. We are praying and greatly anticipating our little boy finding his way back out of his shell. Please pray with us that God will heal him and restore him and that we will be able to discern what he needs from us right now.